Last evening our family went to a calling for Sgt. 1st Class Spencer Kohlheim. I have known Spencer since I was young. Our parents graduated together and Spencer and I went to CCD classes together in LaGrange, IN. As we have aged, our families intertwined even more as his son Tristan and our son Hunter go to school together and played football together together this year. Tim has been friends with Spencer's brother, Ryan, as they went to high school together. Spencer enlisted in the US Army not long after he graduated high school. He was deployed overseas 7 times. Three of the deployments were in Iraq and one in Afganistan. His obituary listed the NUMEROUS medals and honors he has received, including 2 Purple Hearts. Our paths have crossed a few times over the past years. Spencer was found on Friday by his grandmother. He had unfortunately taken his own life. He leaves behind 3 sons and a daughter, his mother and father, 2 sisters and a brother, as well as many other family and friends.Please excuse my disorganized thoughts. I feel as though I have so many thoughts bouncing around in my head. Thoughts of sadness, of regret, of remembrance and of understanding. I am sad that he was so desperate that he felt he needed to take his own life. I am sad for his family, most especially his children. I regret not knowing him better. I regret not letting him know how thankful I am that he work to maintain my freedom. I take so much for granted here in small town north east Indiana. I regret not thanking others in my life for serving our country and protecting our freedoms. I remember the few times I was able to talk with Spencer. I in a way I can understand where Spencer was at. I too have been at a point in my life when I contemplated not living this life anymore. Our situations are very different. My life experiences can not even compare to Spencer's. He has experienced and seen things I will never be able to imagine. One thing that brought back so many of my memories was last evening in the car on our way to the viewing. We were explaining the situation to Hunter and Emily. We were talking about suicide. The kids were experiencing it from an innocent and Christian perspective and I was remembering my past experience. They were talking about people who kill themselves being stupid, knowing that taking our own life is not something Jesus would want us to do. I had to bite my tongue not to snap too quickly at the remark. I was unable to explain myself immediately because we were almost there. We did come back to the conversation on the way home and I was able to explain to them that people who kill themselves are not stupid, but need help. I explained that I was at that point many years ago when I was still in college. I was able to get the help I needed and continue to work with and through my depression on a daily basis. This time of year is much harder. If it were all up to me, I would crawl into my bedroom with the remote control, my computer and several blankets and come out very little. I would prefer to keep the curtains shut and no lights on. It is work to leave the house and go out for much. Going out for family outings is much easier than going out to meet up with friends or do anything for me. Medicine and prayer have made it less difficult though. I wish it would have been different for Spencer. He was an American Hero.
Father, bless the Kohlheim family and all the others who are close to this situation. May you be known better through this sadness. Amen.
Spencer is on the right. The others are from his company.
